How I Beat the Worst Depression of My Life in 2015

Back in 2015 I was doing all the right things, I was hitting the gym, playing great hockey and such – but I wasn’t working as an employee or an entrepreneur.

And I lost hope in my career potential.

It was also October and the weather was getting colder.

Not a good combination.

For a few years in a row I would get depressed in the fall and just want to lie in bed all day.

I also wanted to kill myself back in 2015 because I had a nihilist view of life.

My thought was,

“What is the meaning of life? I don’t think life has any meaning – nothing I do is meaningful to be honest.”

I was stuck in a negative Self-Amplifying-Feedback-Loop (SAFL)

I had stopped gong to the gym.

I stopped writing.

I even stopped playing hockey.


I had intense anxiety that I would become a bum who lives on the street.

I was relying on my mother and was worried I wouldn’t be able to work and provide for myself.

I didn’t want to work for minimum wage, and I didn’t want to lose out on my government benefits by working.

I felt trapped and that I had nothing of value to offer the world.

I was in such a negative SAFL that I wanted to “not wake up” the next day.

This black cloud was over my head for 3 months.

The negative thoughts were following me everywhere I went.

And my body felt like shit, even a walk to the store felt like a marathon.

It was hell, plain and simple.

But I knew that positive energy neutralizes negative energy and that I simply had to change my energetic state

So I did.

I decided to practice RADICAL ACCEPTANCE!

That includes accepting my non acceptance!

So what did I do to practice radical acceptance?


I decided,


When it was time to eat and sleep I enjoyed those times.

When I was drowning in negative thoughts, I decided to accept the experience.

When I didn’t feel like going to the gym I accepted that I didn’t go.

When I looked at myself and saw I was unemployed I accepted the experience.

I knew that acceptance is a much higher frequency than apathy or grief so by accepting everything – I saw things with a different pair of glasses, which meant I was changing the way I saw things.

And when you see things differently,

You see different things!

Soon thereafter I developed a positive perspective and allowed some good things to come into my life!

My doctor gave me a medication to resolve depression that worked well, I was on a sedative before this change in prescription.

This made me feel even better.


My employment counsellor helped me find a program that would pay me 700 bucks to learn employment skills.

What a gift.

During those 2 weeks I got 700 bucks in my pocket and developed a routine.

I then started to hit the gym again.

By Christmas I was in a positive SAFL and was feeling good again.

I had overcome depression!

And in 2016 I made a New Years resolution to follow my highest joys without fail.

I discovered a spiritual course called ACIM (A Course In Miracles) and that course was great learning experience for my spiritual development.

I also got back into hockey in 2016 playing a season of D for the Aces and then subbing in for the Spartans of 2016 making a small contribution to a cup.

In 2017 the positive SAFL continued,

A buddy from hockey gave me the perfect job – Snow Removal!

It was a workout and also the best money I ever made by the hour. It was fun!

Then I got another job with Canadian Mental Health Association as a greeter.

I have held steady employment for a year for the first time in my life.

Now I’m captain of my own team at hockey and setting personal bests as a player.

I’m now about to increase my workload to 25 hours a week which would be a high personally. And I would still keep my government benefits while working 25 hours.

I am soon about to have more cashflow then I’ve ever had.

And as a bonus,

I’m about to go to the gym for the 22nd time in 21 days on Monday!

Life is good,

And it all started 2 years ago when I started radical acceptance!

Until next time,

The man,

Angus Baynham-McColl

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